Winter
by blackraven23
Summary: Naruto questions why to a nonexistent friend, as he sits in the snow. He tells himself again and again that he wasnt worth saving, but what if he was? [SasuNaru] shounenai


**Winter**

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_Sasuke x Naruto_

yaoi. yay!

_Naruto questions why to a nonexistent friend. _

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_Why?_

The word is a curse to my senses, to me. It stays in my consciousness, wracks my dreams with haunted images, wont allow me a moment of peace until I address it, and yet I still refuse to. I don't want to know why. That's what I tell myself, but of course, curiosity resides in us all, including me. I can't help it, and sometimes I catch myself asking, why? Sakura noticed that we've been acting weird, but I can't do anything to stop my body and mind from recoiling from you. I'm indebted to you, so deeply that I don't even know where my half ends and yours begins. You could kill me, and I could do nothing to stop me, so in your debt I am. I could hand you the kunai, the poison tipped shruiken, the senbon that almost killed you, now deadly in your hands. Choose my fate, and I would allow you to. I am _obliged_, no matter how much I hate it and covet it all the same time, to you.

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Why_ was all that ran through my mind as you stood before me limply, your chakra reduced to next to nothing by using your sharingan, you body empty as it could be, for you were dying, just standing there. You stood there, protecting me, from the death and darkness which then curled through your psyche and drained your body of everything, when you fell. I could not, would not, stand to see you hit the floor; I caught you in my arms. You were so light, yet so heavy in my arms, helpless as I had been many times before, but now you were me, and everything seemed inverted and upside down._

_You were the avenger; you were the one who dwelled in the darkness, in the night as the moon while I ruled the day as the sun, alone yet happy to be that way as long as I shared myself. You weren't supposed to save me; I was supposed to save you. What's the use of a Hokage who can't even save his best friend? You may have looked vulnerable and feeble in my arms, but it was I who truly felt powerless against you. I couldn't fight death for you, but I wanted to, I wanted to save you as you had me. Why did you save me? I wasn't worth saving, you said that often, or something like it, yet you saved me nonetheless._

_Ihave no family, everyone in the entire village hates me, and I played so many pranks on people just so people might recognize me, but instead they hated me even more. All I had was you, as Sakura still hates me, and Kakashi, well, to him I'm just another obnoxious subordinate. I have nothing to lose, while you have so much. Your family may have betrayed you, but Kakashi recognizes your talents as everyone else did at the Academy. Sakura loves you with every fiber of her being, as do so many other people, mainly girls, back in Konoha. You have so much, and no one would care that I was gone, maybe Iruka, but he'd find another, less annoying, kid to put his affections on._

_I cradled your head in my arms, and tears filled my eyes. Why? The loss was too much, I don't know what happened. Something inside of me broke, and I was filled with an inexplicable power, it gave me the strength and resolve, and I stood, vowing to take revenge for you. And I did, as well as I could. But even so, I could not take a life, I don't know why. I wanted to avenge you so much, it filled me, but even so, my hand shook with tremors as I prepared the final blow. It never came, and I failed you. Haku died anyways, but not by my hand, but by Kakashi's. By someone who could exact the wrong done to you, someone stronger than me. I'm sorry that I couldn't do anything for you, while you sacrificed everything for me. No one knows why, but you. All the explanations I can come up with just confuse me further, I can't work through it._

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And here I sit, back in Konoha, where everyone here hates me, even if they hide it beneath false gladness and fake friendships. Here I sit, the first snow swirling around me, on the bridge where we first truly met, or at least understood each other. Where our, however fake, friendship really began. I love the snow; it's so beautiful, yet so cold, so like you. It comes and it goes, just as you do, its fun, but only sometimes, like you. It melts when you touch it, when it lands on my tongue as it falls from darkened gray skies; it disappears, just as you do. Inside of yourself you hide, and even now I wonder what happened to the guy who saved my life, weeks and weeks ago.

You retreated even further into your mind once we returned home, and I no longer have the determination or power to ask you why you did it, because you wouldn't answer. You would walk away, your back to me, cold and unfeeling as I first met you. What happened to our friendship? What happened to the guy, who saved my life, that I would also give my life for? I dangle my legs over the railing of the bridge, feet far above the churning black waters below that could surely cause death to fall into, as I ponder. I can't even think of a plausible explanation, and I pound my thinly gloved hands on my temples as they throb. No one else comes out here in the cold weather, not like me, so it's easy to think when you're all alone, when it's finally quiet. I can finally drop my guard, among the hidden stars and rushing waters below, to the world in which I am not wanted.

_Why?_ I finally ask out loud, my voice wavering in the deep night. There is no reply, only the sound of water below me, reminding me of my solitude. _Why did you do it, Sasuke?_ A dam has broken within me, and now I can't stop the words as they tumble out from my lips. _Why save someone who doesn't deserve to be saved? Why did you sacrifice all you had, just to save me? _Tears are burning the corners of my eyes, but I can't stop speaking, as crystalline droplets threaten my cheeks and I allow them to win.

_Why were you nicer to me than anyone else was, why did you acknowledge my existence, while everyone else shunned it? Why did you accept me for me, why do you challenge me all the time?_ _Don't worry Sasuke,_ I reassure my nonexistent friend, _I like being challenged. I'm glad you challenge me, because if you didn't, no one else would. No one else cares like you do, no one else knows me like you._ Tears are running freely now, and I wipe them away with the back of my thin sleeve.

_But still, why did you risk everything to save the one person who wasn't strong enough to avenge you? I'm so sorry that I couldn't kill him for you, I just don't know why I couldn't, when it was needed most, my strength ran away. I think… I think that, Sasuke, you are my strength. You are the reason I can't turn away from any challenge, the reason I keep pushing myself farther and farther. You're the reason that I'm the way I am now, more open and closer to you. You are the reason I'm alive. I'm sorry. But no matter what I do or say, I still don't know why you did it._

_Naruto._ I whirl around at the sound of my name, immediately tense, to find only you, standing a few feet away on the bridge. The planks creak and bend slightly as you take a step forward, then pause. I can see the ring of scars around your neck, small, yet there, or imagine them, because you're wearing a heavy scarf. I still don't know why you chose to keep those scars, a testament to my debt to you, proof that you almost died to save _me_. _I heard what you said,_ you say, voice a whisper above the roaring of water. Snowflakes land on your head, swirling around your hair like a halo, your face ice and your hair raven against the dull, grey background

_And I want to tell you why I did it, although I'm not completely sure myself,_ you chuckle and it's an odd sound I've never head before from you. _I did it because you, Naruto, are my best friend. You're the reason that I never give up, the reason I get better all the time, the reason I… You are my strength Naruto, the reason I live. Without you, I would fade away, I would accept myself as I am, and die trying to kill my only kin. But… with you, I feel as though I don't have to do that, I feel as though I'm free of anything. _

I can see it's hard for you to talk like that, to be so open with your feelings. You start to turn away, but you hesitate and say, _I'm glad you didn't kill Haku, because I don't want you hands stained with blood for me. I don't want your pure white soul broken, ripped to shreds because of the evils you had to commit on my behalf. You aren't in my debt, because without you, I would be nothing more than an empty shell. There's this feeling that I can't describe when I'm with you, something that propelled me to shield you from death. And that was the same reason that I didn't die, or didn't want to. I wanted to be with you always, to hold you close to my heart…_ You trailed off there, unable to finish, turning away as a snowflake alighted on your cheek and melted to leave a trail of tears that you refused to cry. Something clicks within me and recognition lights beneath my cerulean eyes.

_Wait!_ I yell after you, and you turn back. I start to get up, standing on the railing, and move to follow you, but slip on the slick wood, and fall forward. I can see the planks of the bridge coming to meet me, and I stick my arms out, ready to brace for impact. But it never comes, and I open my eyes to meet yours. I'm in your arms, somewhere I would never imagine being, and you're looking at me with an unnerving intensity in your midnight eyes.

_Yes?_ You ask in a rasping voice, breath brushing across my cheek delicately.

I can't stand the emotions within me, and before I can stop myself or lose my nerve I say quietly, _I—_but I can't finish, and I just say in a low voice, _I'm sorry_.

_I told you before_, you say_, you aren't in my debt_, but I shake my head deep within the folds of your clothing.

_That's not what I meant_.

Slowly, I lift my head from your shoulder and say, _I really care for you, Sasuke. That's what I'm sorry for._

You eyes lock mine and you say with a cold passion rooted within your words. _Don't be sorry for that, Naruto, I care about you too._

But once again I shake my head, _You don't understand. I really… _care_ about you Sasuke_. You look confused, and I know I can't get away with just saying that. I take a deep breath of bitterly icy air and let it out slowly, before saying, _I like you, Sasuke_. There's a stillness within your eyes that holds me, as I start to pull away. Barriers are starting to go up, and shields are forming, but not fast enough as your hesitation is starting to break me. Those few moments seem to last forever, but something seeps into your eyes. A smile, and soon it graces your lips.

I want to pull away from you, but you won't let me go, and I can't meet your powerful gaze. Finally, though, you lean over and brush your cold lips against my cheek, and my eyes flick over to you as you pull away. You whisper in a low voice, _I like you too_, and then your icy lips meet mine to warm in a silent compromise.

I never again questioned why.

Though later, as I learned more about you, more than ever before, the winter of your countenance started to thaw, just as spring reached Konoha, and blossoms sprouted from my tiny plants. The crystals in your hair melted and I wiped away the tears of droplets that spread down your cheeks from your raven hair. Spring had come, and never again would Winter haunt you.

**+BlackRaven23+**

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iono? wow.. well its old.. for the 3rd book... hehe i couldnt help myself.

too bad! R&R if u want. dare flame n die.


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